This weekend’s guest blogger is the wonderful Sami Wunder. Sami is a certified love and relationship coach for women. She is based in Paris with her doting hubby but provides love coaching to women worldwide. Coaching sessions are held in person in Paris or over the phone or Skype. She specializes in helping single women meet, attract and marry their soulmates. She also enjoys helping rekindle the spark or bring the man closer in an already committed relationship. You can find more of her work on www.samiwundercoaching.com
Let´s face it. First dates are not really any woman´s favourites in any city. In fact in big cities like Paris, it can be an even more nerve-wracking experience with so many pretty contenders flawking around our men and vying for their attention.
On a typical first date there is nervousness, anxiety, a little bit of stress and lots of anticipation about how it will go. “Will he like me, will I like him, will this be it,” kind of questions float through our minds as we prepare to meet a stranger for the first time and try to put our best foot forward.
As a love and relationship coach, it is my job to make this dreaded experience of first dates feel less daunting for my clients. No doubt dating is hard in all metropolitan cities but for me Paris is distinctively different from the dating scene in New York or London. Paris afterall is the city of love. This means that romance, feminine flirtation and charm is already in the air and all that a woman needs to do is to connect with this energy of the city before she steps out of the house to meet her Mr. Potential.
Here are my top 4 tips if you´re dating actively in Paris on how to make your first dates feel more fun and less daunting!
1) Date in your feminine energy
As opposed to the masculine energy of “doing,” feminine energy is the energy of “being.” It´s a leaned back energy that allows a man to step up and be the man while the woman enjoys what he has to offer, expresses her appreciation and goes with the flow of the date. Masculine men are extremely pulled towards a woman´s feminine energy. So before stepping out of the house, make sure you are connected with your feminine.
How do you do that?
Take a long relaxing scented bath, put on a nice dress and perfume, dance to your favourite music before stepping out and remember that you don´t have to run the show during the date. That´s the man´s job. Bingo. You´re relaxed because the pressure of a successful date is not on you.
2) Keep it short.
While this in itself may sound obvious, several of my clients have proudly shared with me how they took out a whole day to spend with a guy for a first date at say the Palace of Versailles or Chateau de Vilette.
Having a long first date is not necessarily in your best interest. This is because you have no clue on how it´s going to look. If you like the guy and the date feels good to you, it might be fun but there too you don´t want to overload each other with intimacy the very first time you meet. Intimacy or the process of getting to know someone is a process that should take place in small doses overtime. Of course, if you don´t like the feel of the date, you can also find yourself stuck for hours, wasting your time with someone you are just not connecting with.
My general recommendation is to keep the first dates, as a rule, short. This has the advantage that if you like the guy, you allow the tension to build up by leaving early, giving him an opportunity to ask you out again. If the date is not feeling good, you can get out of the situation without much drama. Either way, keeping it short (1 hour recommended and 2 hours maximum) works wonders both ways.
3) Make the first date an activity you both enjoy doing.
This one is a golden nugget when it comes to first dates. Go do something with the guy that you would have enjoyed doing anyway.
This could mean going for a walk in the park. I love the Jardin de Luxembourg for a first date meet. A walk by the Seine and it´s multitude of gorgeous bridges could be another good bet. A short visit to a musuem can also be fun. The Louvre is way too crowded for a first date but I love the calm ambiance in the Musee d´Orsay or the smaller less touristy musuems like those of Pablo Picasso, hidden between quaint little, winding streets of charming Paris.
The whole point of having such a first date is to meet in a public environment, where one feels free to talk, chat, laugh and yet does something together that appeals to both people. I am not a big fan of a dinner-like first date. They can feel really pressuring because both parties have to act like they are getting along in that constricted environment.
By doing something you would have enjoyed doing anyway, even if the date doesn´t go as planned, your time and effort in coming out and looking good has not been a waste. In other words, you will still have had fun.
4) Keep it light.
During a first date, we women can have a tremendous urgency and naturally so, to get to know the man we are dealing with. This means that many of us can end up asking him questions like what he does for a living, what his life´s goals are, what does he want to achieve and is he looking for a serious relationship or marriage.
While in itself you do have the right to all this information, my recommendation is to take it easy, slow and keep it light for the first date. The organic way to know someone is overtime and we can still get a feeling for the person in front of us without bombarding him with interview like questions. For instance, a creative way to approach this issue could be by asking more generic, value-based questions like what do you enjoy doing for fun, what´s very important to you in life, what makes you laugh and what makes you cry.
Don´t underestimate the power of getting to know a man through such questions. They may reveal to you much more content than any pointed, interview like questions could have.
Remember, it´s just the first date. Keep it light and have fun. You are in one of the most beautiful and romantic cities of the world after all!